Sunday, December 11, 2005
As mentioned in my very first post, i am really passionate about the Chinese dress called the QiPao or Cheongsam...It is an exquisite dress born out of a fusion of the East and the West, being at once sexy and modest. It exudes elegance and composture and eccentuates the feminity of a woman. Its defining features are a high collar covering the neck which was traditionally regarded as a sensual area of a woman which had to be covered but which also emphasizes its sexiness,fastening at the sides, as well as high slits on both sides of the legs.
The modern Chinese dress had its origins in the costume of the Qing dynasty in China and was originally a Manchurian costume, with China being ruled by the Manchus during the Qing Dynasty. With the collapse of the Qing dynasty in 1911, the Chinese dress also underwent changes. Initially women did not wear the QiPao/Cheongsam and wore a 2 piece set whilst men wore a loose fitting garment similar to the Chinese dress. However, by the late 1920s women also started to wear garments similar to the QiPao/Cheongsam and by the early 1930s, especially in Shanghai, the Chinese Dress became a popular daily wear for women. Throughout the 1930s and 1940s, the QiPao/Cheongsam grew in popularity as women in all walks of life adopted it as their preferred garment of choice, from teachers to politicians' wives, from film actresses to prostitutes. In the 1930s-40s the QiPao/Cheongsam was loose-fitting, had a low collar, and the hem went from mid-calf to the ankles. Frog buttons and piping at the edges were used and women alternated between collar sleeves that hung just over the shoulders to 3/4sleeves to long sleeves.
However, with the establishment of the PRC in 1949, the Chinese Dress fell out of popularity with Chinese women as it did not fall in line with the new Communist ideology which promoted utilitarianism and plainess which the Qipao/Cheongsam was in conflict with given its feminine image and excessive beauty. The Qipao/Cheongsam was worn less and less by women in Mainland China that by the 1960s, few women in China wore it at all.If there were still any Chinese dress wearers in China by the 1960s, they went virtually extinct during the 1966-1976 Cultural Revolution in China which virtually banned the Chinese Dress along with scores of other traditional culture which were all deemed as 'bourgeious decadence and feudalistic'.
The Chinese Dress is making a comeback nowadays in China with it being the official costume worn by women in many official ceremonies as well as worn by many Chinese women during weddings or parties.
As for the Chinese communities outside China, such as in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Malaysia and Singapore, the QiPao/cheongsam had a longer lifespan. It grew much tighter and body hugging in the 1950s in line with western influences and trends of the time, and the collar gradually rose such that by the end of the 1950s, a high stiff collar became the indisputable fashion of the day. Chinese style buttons also dissapeared with fasteners replacing them and piping also gradually went out of fashion. Like in the earlier decades, a Qipao/Cheongsam was often worn with a matching jacket and high heel shoes as well as a necklace made of pearls and handbag. Movie stars of that era frequently wore it further glamourising its image and variations were made according to the status of the women such as looser plainer Chinese dresses for teachers and elite social circle wives whilst prostitutes wore tighter, high slit ones. By the end of the 1960s however, the QiPao/Cheongsam lost popularity as well in the overseas Chinese communities, as cheap western style mass produced clothing became widely available and women found the Qipao/Cheongsam unduly restrictive on their movements due to its body hugging nature.
Now, the QiPao/Cheongsam can mainly be seen in TV dramas,films as well as is worn by some politician's wives, occassionally by film actresses when attending award ceremonies, beauty pageants, as well as in a handful of schools in HK as girl's uniforms. It is also the uniform of Taiwan's China Airlines Air Hostesses.
In 2000, the film, 'In the Mood For Love' by the acclaimed director Wong Kar Wai and starring extremely well known Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung brought a new explosion of interest in the QiPao/Cheongsam given the countless number of beautifully made cheongsams adorning Maggie Cheung's body in the 1960s set film. It is hoped that one day, women, and not only Chinese women, will come to appreciate the elegance of the QiPao/Cheongsam and that there will be another boom in the QiPao/Cheongsam again.....
Friday, December 09, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Further, the singer Rain has become intensely popular in HK and China, and was recently interviewed on CNN. I was at Singapore Changi airport recently when i saw that China's CCTV International which was being broadcast at the lounge area had a special report coinciding with China's Premier's visit to South Korea on the Korean Wave in China as well as the popularity of Mandarin in South Korea now. This shows the extent of the boom in China with even the State TV station acknowledging this 'Korean Wave' in China. Further, in Melbourne which is where i am now, many Korean hair salons and restaurants have opened with their clientele obviously being mainly of Chinese bckground as many Chinese, whether malaysian, mainland chinese, hkers, taiwanese or singaporean have a liking for all things korean as a result of this korean boom. Further in Penang, Malaysia, like the rest of much of Malaysia, Korean TV Dramas and movies are so popular that it is now very popular to find whole sections of VCD/DVD shops with displays stating 'Korean Movies' and both free to air and cable channels in Malaysia broadcast Korean TV dramas regularly now, currently with no less than 3 Korean dramas on air in malaysia.
The extent of the Korean boom,especially in Chinese speaking areas can also be seen from the inclusion of many korean stars in Chinese films. Three prominent examples are Jackie Chan's latest HK flick 'The Myth' whose lead actress is Korean beauty Kim Hee Sun, Tsui Hark's Seven Swords which has a Korean actress in one of the roles and Chen Kaige's coming 'Wu Ji' starring Jang Dong Gun. What is more important is not the fact that korean actors and actresses have been included in these films but the fact that they were playing Korean characters and there is even some korean dialogue in the films, moving away from previous films where korean actors played chinese characters with chinese dubbing showing that audiences now like 'koreanness' so much that korean characters have been incl. such as Kim Hee Sun playing a korean princess in Jackie Chan's film and a korean slave character in seven swords.....I hope this Korean Wave lasts unlike the Japanese wave which has lost much popularity in recent yrs......
This is an article from the Oct 2005 issue YaZhouZhouKan/Asia Times magazine regarding the Korean Wave in China:
Friday, November 25, 2005
Friday, September 30, 2005
If Ran Ling Yu is said to be the most famous and well-liked Chinese actress of the 1930s, then Lin Dai is undisputedly the most famous and well liked Chinese actress of the 1950-60s.She acted in many hit films that i still regarded as Chinese cinema's precious gems even today. She is wearing a Chinese Dress (旗袍) in the photo, still popular back then. (PLEASE SEE MY POSTS IN APRIL ON THE CHINESE DRESS) However, like many Chinese actresses of that era, she committed suicide when she was merely 30 years old ending her then booming career. Some rumours say she merely wanted to scare her womanizing husband but had taken too much pills than intended. More pics and info of Lin Dai, Le Di and You Min can be found at: http://come.to/youmin(Youmin's site which has links to the other 2 sites and all English/Chinese)for those interested in learning more about them.
Le Di, known then as a "Classical Beauty" and became wildly popular after appearing in the mega hit film 'Liang Shan Bo Yu Zhu Ying Tai' in 1963. The film is a classical opera film based on the popular Chinese folktale of a woman who disguised herself as a man to enter into a school to study as women were not allowed to study 1000 yrs ago and how this other guy falls for her and the pair fall in love as she reveals herself to be a woman in reality but their parents forbid their love and arrange a marriage for her...the guy dies from love sickness and the weather becomes bad on her wedding day forcing her bridal carriage to pass through his grave whereby the grave opens up and she dives in dying as well...thus the lovers are reincarnated as a pair of butterflies...so nowadays, some ppl will say when they see a pair of butterflies that they maybe the lovers...Le Di like many other top Chinese actresses of that era committed suicide at a young age rumoured to be cos of relationship problems..
She is a popular HK actress back in the 50s and 60s and was also the first HK actress to successfully enter the Japanese market appearing in films co-produced by Japanese film company Toie.
As i am a big fan of classic chinese films as well as Cheongsams/Qi Paos (Chinese Dress), i really like her and many other Chinese actresses of that era as the Chinese dress was still popular back then and actresses often wore it in daily life or in movies..please read my post under April Archives on the Chinese Dress..
Film by Renowned Director Stanley Kwan based on the well-known novel of WangAnYi tracing the life of a Shanghai girl from her glamourious days as 2nd runner-up in the Miss Shanghai Pageant and mistress of a nationalist army general in 1947 to a plain life under Communist China through the Cultural Revolution to 1981. It also deals with her relationships with the 4 men in her life. Her life is supposed to mirror the life of the city of Shanghai itself. The lead is by Cantopop singer Sammi Cheng who changes her image drastically for this film....have not watched it yet but would recommend it given its by one of my favourite directors, Stanley Kwan, who is renowned for capturing nostalgia and women's viewpoints....also THE MOST ACCURATE portrayal of the Chinese dress i've seen on film with regards to Shanghai ladies..most films make the Chinese dresses way too sexy for that era but this film has done research and being a Chinese Dress expert myself, the dress and hairstyle of Sammi in the film is accurate for 40s era..
Taiwan Pride Festival 2005
Tomorrow will be the third Taiwan Pride Parade to be held in Taiwan. As a Taiwanese, i'm extremely proud that Taiwan has finally been able to hold its own parade in recent yrs indicating Taiwanese gays/lesbians increased political awareness and strength and also increased societal tolerance. Apparently, even legislators will attend the parade and the Taipei Mayor has attended in past yrs as well showing their support for the parade thus indicating that they are confident that Taipei residents are open enough such that politicians attending such parades do not feel that by attending, they are risking in any way their political viability...
Interesting note to those not familiar with Chinese or those from Mainland China and some other places, the word 同志 TongZhi is used to refer to Gays in Taiwan and Hong Kong although its original meaning meant comrade. In Mainland China, TongZhi continues to refer to comrade and most Mainland Chinese will only think of it that way. However, TongZhi as Gay has spread amongst the gay population in China as well so now the meaning Tongzhi as Gay is used in Taiwan, HK and amongst the gay population in China...further the word 同 is used often now in gay advertisements as it means sameness and again the meaning has been changed to refer to homosexuals as gays/lesbians like the same sex....learners of Chinese are still taught that Tongzhi means comrade and so may be confused when they see it used when referring to gays so this is just a little note for them...
Also another interesting note is that on the Taiwan Pride 2005 website, they are very thoughtful and have provided some sample excuses for people to use just in case they need to provide explanations because they were exposed by the media covering the parade and came on TV news...I will provide them with translations:
全世界好多地方都有，那真的很好玩耶！平常要看還要去國外，這次在台灣，你沒去看真是太可惜了！ (There are so many Pride Parades all over the world, it was really fun! Normally you would have to go overseas to get this experience but this time it was in Taiwan, what a pity you didn't go!)
喔，我只是路過而已 (Oh,...I was just passing by.)
沒啦，我的高中同學是同性戀，他說他自己一個人去會害怕，叫我陪他去 (Oh, its nothing, my highschool friend is gay and he/she said that he/she was afraid to go alone and asked me to accompany so i did)
都已經什麼年代了還這麼保守，同性戀也沒什麼不好阿，去看看又不會被吃掉。 (Its already the 21st century, don't be so conservative,there is nothing wrong with being gay anyway, you won;t get eaten up just taking a look right?)
(Using these techniques and putting on a natural expression, people will naturally no longer suspect that you are gay)
I was laughing when i saw these excuses cos they are so hilarious and really useful too..i guess many gays and lesbians are afraid of participating precisely cos they are afraid their faces will be on TV and in Taiwan, almost everyone watches TV News (cos the News in Taiwan is extremely interesting)and so exposure to parents and relatives could be high....
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
She is my FAVOURITE HK actress, being an elegant, refined, sexy and fantastic actress with superb acting skills....films she's appeared in incl. In the Mood for Love(00), Clean(04),etc
Sunday, September 18, 2005
This is part of the continuing series on homosexuality in Asia...another introduction of an Asian movie on the topic of homosexuality....this film by Yon Fan tells the story of a closeted policeman(Daniel Wu) who seems to lead the ideal life and seems to be the perfect guy, he is handsome, filial towards his parents, believes in justice, kind hearted and a policeman with an extremely attractive best friend (Shu Qi)...however, he hides a secret...he is gay......on the other hand, a gay gigolo (Stephen Fung) leads a subhuman life earning a living through sleeping with clients, often men much older than he is and even being unable to refuse clients such as gay triad leaders who treat him like dirt....the two men meet coincidentally and become friends.....slowly, a love subtly blossoms between them although each is not brave enough to confess their feelings for the other...one day, they finally embrace each other and reveal their true feelings for each other but tragedy befalls......this is a good movie i feel and has cameos by 2 really famous old Chinese actors Jiang Zhen and Jiao Jiao, both of 1960s and 1970s era....
Saturday, September 03, 2005
HK Gay man wins High Court case repealing HK ban on under21 gay sex
This high profile case concerned a Hong Kong gay man who applied to the High Court requesting that the Hong Kong law banning sex between gay men under 21 be repealed on the grounds that it constituted discrimination against gay men and also infringed upon Human rights law and Basic law of HK that all citizens, incl gay men, were equal before the law. In HK, consenting sex between gay men is legal since 1991 but only for 21yrs and above whereas heterosexual sex (man and woman) and sex between lesbians is legal for under 21yrs old. Thus it meant that previously, only gay men were banned from having sex if they were under 21 whilst heterosexuals and lesbians could have sex even under 21. The HK High Court ruled in favour of the gay man who applied and repealed the old HK law on the grounds of discrimination especially given lesbians were not subjected to the same ban. Now, therefore, gay men in HK under 21 can also legally engage in consensual sexual intercourse. What surprised me and i'm sure many HK ppl must have been how 'normal' the gay man who sued looked. Asian society still has a stereotype that gay men look either (a)effeminate/sissy (b) thin and pale or some ppl would think if gay men did not come under the first 2 categories then they must come under either (c)fashionable looks conscious (d) wears tight clothing and works out often....but the gay man who won, as can be seen from the photo above, was in none of the categories most ppl would have of gay men and no one would probably even suspect he was gay if they knew him and he did not tell them. Further, he had a respectable occupation as a volunteer with the famous NGO Doctors without Borders Medical San Frontiers which operates in poor countries giving medical treatment to ppl.The gay community really needs public figures like him to provide a positive role model for gays and lesbians and more importantly to dispel myths about how gay men are like amongst society at large as putting a sissy like gay man as a public figure for gay rights will not attract much support from society given it reinforces negative perceptions about gay men but putting a very 'normal looking' good looking guy with a respectable occupation is bound to jolt people and gain more sympathy and understanding for gay men...
A Fantastic film about a girl who breaks up with a boyfriend and her boyfriend says that all men including her former bfs all are after one thing only in relationships.-SEX. Thus the girl begins to look through her diary to remember her past three relationships to see if this is true. She realises she was treated badly by her former boyfriends and thus starts her revenge plot to get bck at her past boyfriends. Extremely funny film esp the bits when she is taking her revenge on her exs and the plots she comes up with...also has emotional parts and the ending is superb as it does not end without a twist with her realising that often no one is fully responsible when relationships turn bad...so its not a man hating movie! Also the actress in this film is of course the now wildly popular actress of the huge Korean TV Drama hit 'My name is Samsoon' which attracted very high ratings this yr.
One of my favourite films in 2004 which also won Lee Na Young a Korean award for Best Actress. Great cinematography and acting by both the lead actor and actress and defies conventional story-telling. A MUST-WATCH for Korean cinema in 2004. Also i did not really realise it then but recently i'm watching a Korean drama called 'Ireland' starring Lee Na Young and was overwhelmed by how pretty and refined she looked, she's easily one of the most beautiful actresses i've seen in my entire life, maybe even one of the most beautiful women i 've seen...she is really pretty with nice features and i know i would definitely turn my head if i passed her on the street...overall, this film is highly recommended!!
Monday, August 15, 2005
1958 set up committee which hunts down and prosecutes Nazi criminals who escaped justice in Nuremberg. Operates and continues to hunt for Nazi criminals to this very day with assistance from American govt.
Releases ALL warcriminals from Sugamo Prison in Tokyo by 1958 and has NEVER prosecuted any more Japanese warcriminals after Tokyo WarCrimes Trials.
NO Nazi has ever held office in govt after WW2
Many Japanese warcriminals involving those on the wartime cabinet continued to lead public office after WW2 with many continuing onto the postwar Japanese govt with even one Prime Minister in the 50s having been a high position govt official in the wartime govt.
Has paid billlions in reparations to Holocaust and another Nazi victims and will continue to pay for the next few yrs as there are reparation laws passed by the German Parliament.
Has paid ZERO dollars in official reparations since many Asian govt who bear fault as well had waived all legal rights to war reparations in exchange for Japanese economic aid.
Refuses to pay ALL individual victim claims with many suits by former slave labours and comfort women being turned down in Japanese courts.
Officially apologised many times incl those passed by parliament and even has habit of always visiting Holocaust memorials in Israel whenever Germany ministers visit Israel.
Has NEVER OFFICIALLY apologised for crimes during WW2 with exception of 1995 apology which was THE ONLY apology passed by the Japanese Diet and all other individual apologies by PM always insincere as inevitably followed by contradictory actions such as visits to shrine worshipping warcriminals or inflammatory statements denying any Japanese wrongdoing by cabinet ministers INCLUDING former Justice Minister who denied the Nanking Massacre and the current Education Minister who recently in June said there was no such term as comfort women (one can only guess what Japanese children are learning with Japan's highest official in charge of education saying irresponsible and callous things like that).
Built many memorials to Nazi victims and Holocaust survivors incl the high profile new Jewish Holocaust Memorial in Berlin which was given high press coverage this year.
In stark contrast, not a SINGLE memorial to Asian victims in whole of Japan built by Japanese govt and many devoted exclusively to Japanese victims such as Hiroshima or Okinawa civilian deaths. Has Yasukuni shrine in central Tokyo devoted to 14 Class-A convicted warcriminals including the notorious Tojo and thousands other Japanese soldiers which would inevitably include the countless rapists and murderers that were some of the Japanese soldiers in WW2.
As already known from my earlier posts on this issue, i feel a great injustice continues to this day 60 yrs after that war as Japan continues to evade its moral responsibility in atoning for the damage it wrought on Asian countries 60yrs ago. It is disheartening to see that the West is not concerned at all on this issue and even think that Japan has atoned enough. An example can be seen from the April anti-Japanese demonstrations in China whereby Western media incl The Times and Newsweek completely passed over what is the crucial issue of Japanese schooltextbook whitewash, lack of official apology (this means passed by parliament in clear EXPLICIT terms) or compensation and visits to shrines worshipping warcriminals, etc The media just went on and on about how the demonstrations were purely political or purely due to 'anti-Japanese' education,etc which is complete nonsense. It is not relevant whether it were political or not cos the demonstrators had a valid point to make. Further it seems the world's media are right at home with Japan's right wing nationalist when they say the Chinese education is 'anti-Japanese'...i mean i would like to ask just which part is anti-Japanese? The fact that they incl content on the 200 000 Asian women forced in sexual slavery ? or that they incl content on Japanese human experiments on POWS? or the fact that they incl the Nanking Massacre where 300 000 Chinese were slaughtered in Nanking, the former Chinese capital city, when Japanese forces invaded and occupied it? I mean to call these 'anti-Japanese' is tantamount to calling teaching the Holocaust in American and Jewish schools to being 'anti-German' and calling shows portraying evil Nazis to 'promoting hatred for Germans' It seems that the West feels that talking about the Nazi Holocaust is worthwhile and correct whilst the same in Japan's case miraculously becomes 'anti-Japanese'.....
Further, i am strongly opposed to the West refusal to equate the Japanese atrocities/crimes to the Jewish Holocaust. This in my opinion boils down to racism. The fact is that the West does not really care if ppl of non-white race suffer as the Holocause involved Jews, who are still part of the white race even if there is a history of anti-Semitism the Jews are still more valued than the other non-white races. Thus suffering under the Japanese which involved primarily Asian races is not given much attention. This can be seen in school textbooks in Western Countries where WW2 basically means the Holocaust, Polish concentration camps, Russian Front, etc whilstthe Asian Theater is briefly touched on more often than not emphasing Japan's 'victim' status with the Hiroshima and Nagasaki Atomic Bombings. Bookshelves on WW2 also line with tons on Nazi Germany and than if lucky 20% or less on the Asian theatre and then again on Japanese suffering in Hiroshima or just about battles where Westerners died like the fall of Singapore or Saipan or Phillipines (rarely goes into the Asian civilian suffering in these areas). History,i feel, is extremely eurocentric right down.
Another point which i feel reveals the racist aspect of historical studies and perception is how the West refuses to admit that the Japanese warcrimes, like many other atrocities/warcrimes around the war, are equal if not as worst as the Holocaust in terms of scale and brutality. Often westerners love to point out that the Holocaust was planned and involved 6 million victims whilst the Japanese crimes were 'not planned' and numbers of victims undetermined. I mean this is pure racism though i'm sure many do not realise they are being racist cos it is totoally irrelevant that the Japanese warcrimes were not planned since the Japanese killed more Asians (35 million or so Chinese plus prob 1 million Koreans and Taiwanese conscripts combined plus millions more South East Asians) without planning than the Nazis did with planning. Further many were planned and notorious such as the '3 all policy' in Manchuria which meant loot all burn all and kill all to create 'no-man zones' such that Chinese guerilla forces would not be able to hide behind civilian populations. Then there is the comfort women system whereby it was a planned policy to force Asian women into serving as sex slaves for the 2 million or more Japanese troops stationed in occupied territories. Aren't these planned? Then comes the eurocentric attitude of how accurate the figures on Chinese wardead are or how accurate are facts on warcrimes? I mean no one is allowed to dispute the Holocaust or 6mill Jews number but all of a sudden it is ok to question figures come up by Asians? Some even say they admit the Japanese warcrime facts but feel its exagerated, i mean if i were to say that the Holocaust figures of 6 million were exaggerated, i would be immediately labelled a 'neo-Nazi' whilst when Japanese textbooks, popular TV shows, magazines question the Asian 'Holocaust' it is said by the West to be an example of democracy and freedom of speech, if thats the cas i guess Germany should dismantle current 'undemocratic' laws prohibiting denial of the Holocaust.
I think its time the West start to emphatise with ppl of other races and not constantly think that only when an atrocity involves western victims is it worthy of attention. The fact is the Holocaust is NOT the ONLY and WORST tragedy in recent history (as German chancellors have said time and time again)it is but ONE of many human tragedies incl Rwanda Genocide, Congo Conflict, Bosnia Genocide, and not least the Japanese WW2 warcrimes which all deserve as much attention as the Holocaust is getting now.
Click Pic for more photos.
One of the most heart rendering and atrocious crimes committed by the Imperial Japanese Forces during WW2 is the comfort women system. The comfort women refer to the 200 000 or so Asian women, mostly of Korean origin, forced into sexual slavery for the Japanese Imperial army during WW2. Many of them were merely girls at the time which suited the purpose of the system which was set up to prevent rapes of civilian populations by allowing the rape of some girls to 'save' the wider female population as well as prevent sexual diseases from spreading through control of the women. However, as is now known, the system did not prevent rapes by the japanese troops who raped millions of Asian women from 1937-1945 despite the comfort women provided by the Army.
Japan till this day has NEVER officially apologised to the women and all comfort women lawsuits have been rejected by japan's courts. The Japanese govt even denied their existence as well as govt involvement until 1993 when a Japanese journalist found crucial documents damning the Japanese wartime military's full involvement in the system and published it in a major national newspaper forcing govt admittance.
On Aug 10 2005 rallies were held across Asia demanding an official apology and reparations for comfort women as their numbers are dwindling year by year. However, Japan's govt continues to refuse any laws officially compensating them nor issue any formal apology issued by the parliament. Korean former comfort women have also rallied with supporters in front of the Japanese embassy in Seoul every Wednesday since 1993 and continue to protest for an official apology and compensation till this very day, 60 years after that devastating war which left them with irreparable scars, both on their bodies and on minds.
From now on, i shall include testimonies of former comfort women regularly under a new column called: Comfort Women to allow ppl who view my blog who are not familiar with this issue to gain an insight into it and refute claims by Japanese lunatics (namely the nationalist right-wing) who continue to claim that these women were prostitutes who went for the money.
All testimonies have been compiled by organisations, reporters, academics,researchers and institutes involved in the comfort women issue.
Yuan Zhulin's Story:
Haunted by violent memories as a wartime sex slave for Japanese troops, Yuan Zhulin, 84, says it is impossible to sleep at night.
As she sits awake holed up in the dank and spartan room she calls home in central China's Wuhan city, the memories of atrocities committed against her ravage her mind.
She is not alone, as up to 200,000 other women across the region were forced into wartime sex slavery during Japan's conquest of Asia, although the number still alive to tell their story is rapidly dwindling.
"I can't forget the past, it's always on my mind," Yuan told AFP in an interview as China staged widespread anti-Japanese protests over the past two weekends.
She often weeps uncontrollably, burying her head in her arms as she recounts a personal history so full of pain and suffering it is hard to believe her story is not some fictional horror.
But her tears and the physical scars bear testament to the awful truth, one that after decades of silence she says must be told before she goes, willingly, to her Catholic God -- where she hopes to "suffer no more."
And so each time, after drying her eyes and regaining her composure, Yuan continues her harrowing tale.
"More than 10 Japanese soldiers waited outside my room everyday," said the frail woman, who was 17 when troops arrived in Wuhan and promptly renamed her Masako and forced her into prostitution.
"They had no patience when waiting outside. They would kick the door with their boots and they would scare me to death and I cried and cried. After the 10 soldiers had left I couldn't even sit, it was so painful," Yuan said.
"I'm a little embarrassed talking about this but many of us couldn't even walk," she weeps, adding that her years as a comfort woman, the euphemistic term for forced prostitution, had done her body irreparable damage.
After an abortion endangered her life, she had to continue serving soldiers despite pain so excruciating that she was eventually given medicine.
"But after taking the pills I could never get pregnant again," Yuan said.
Less than a year after she arrived at the brothel -- around the time that Wuhan, under months of gas bombardments, finally fell to Imperial troops in October 1938 -- Yuan and some other young women hatched an escape plan.
But unable to surmount the electric wire surrounding their prison home, they were caught and beaten to within an inch of their lives.
"They kicked us and bashed us, and there is still a scar on my back and it's still very painful," Yuan said, showing the large crater-like scars on her lower waist. "My bones were broken by the kicks."
Things took a mild turn for the better when one sympathetic Japanese soldier promised to come to her aid.
"He left my room without sleeping with me, he knew that I was suffering. He was a good man. He told me to wait for him to one day come and take me away," said Yuan, who sometimes has trouble remembering names and precise dates.
In the meantime, another Japanese officer took a liking to her round-faced good looks and pulled her out of the den to make her his sole concubine.
Six months later, the kind Japanese soldier kept his word, helping to end her one-and-half life-altering years in the brothel.
"We had nothing, life was hard, but better than living in there," she said of the ensuing relationship with the man that lasted until the end of the war.
It was a Chinese woman named Zhang Xiuying, however, who tricked Yuan and a handful of other women into prostitution, by promising employment in a hotel as a maid along with a small advance.
At the time, Yuan was desperate to feed her newborn child and accepted the proposal in hopes of helping her family, only to find herself a sex slave.
Her destitute parents had already given away her two younger sisters because there was not enough to eat, and her father later died of malnutrition.
After the Japanese arrived and Yuan was forced into the brothel she never saw her child again.
"My poor little baby. She was so pretty and our neighbors would drop in my place to see her, and she just died like that (at 9 months)," she said as her asthmatic breathing became hard.
"You can tell how much I hate the Japanese."
Speaking of crimes in Wuhan internment camps where the Japanese forced a huge number of Chinese to live, Yuan tells of one man who was beaten for forgetting his identification before being thrown into the Yangtze river and left for dead.
"If someone got sick or had a fever, they would just burn them to death because they were afraid of the plague," she said.
According to official Chinese estimates, 35 million Chinese were killed or injured in the Sino-Japanese war between 1937-45.
Asked how she saw modern Japan, Yuan said:" There are good people in Japan," before adding that "it's fine that we do business with the Japanese, but we shouldn't be bullied by Japan anymore."
Like many women in China, South Korea, North Korea, Indonesia, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand and even Japan who were forced into slavery by Imperial troops, Yuan's anger is directed at Tokyo's refusal to financially compensate for damages.
She was in Tokyo in 2000 for a lawsuit brought by Chinese comfort women, but the court ruled against them.
Japan has repeatedly refused to compensate sex slaves and forced laborers from World War II, saying a 20-year period for suits had expired and treaties provided for reparations to states, not individuals.
According to Su Zhiliang, an expert on comfort women at Shanghai Normal University, not one former sex slave has managed to get an apology or money from the Japanese government.
The issue, along with Tokyo's approval of a nationalist school textbook which glosses over wartime atrocities, and its bid for a permanent seat on the UN Security Council, has sparked two weekends of violent protests in China.
"My wish is that Japan apologizes to me and admits their mistake and gives me proper compensation," said Yuan, who only draws a monthly state pension of 230 yuan (27.70 dollars).
Credits to AP.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Opens in the National Museum of China to run for 20 days showing hundreds of documents and photos, some never released before. The Nanking Massacre refers to the 1937 Dec 13 -1938 Feb massacre which occured in the former Chinese capital of Nanking where Japanese forces murdered 300 000 or so Chinese civilians and surrendered soldiers turning the Yangtse River waters which runs through Nanking red for several days. 20 000-80 000 women and girls were also raped by the Japanese soldiers. This was not an isolated incident with Japanese Imperial soldiers killing up to 35 million Chinese between 1937-1945 and raping millions more chinese women and girls (exact numbers will never be known since not a single woman has ever come forward to admit she was raped by the japanese during WW2) . Please note women raped are separate from the Comfort women system as the comfort women were forced sex slaves kept in army brothels whilst rapes are classified by me as those not taken into army brothels but nevertheless raped in their homes by invading Japanese armies.
A commemoration event where medals were handed out to former pilots of the Joint Sino-American Airforce composed of Chinese and American pilots who worked together to defend China against the invading Japanese forces.
Friday, August 12, 2005
However, although the Korean media seldom portray homosexuality as compared to the common occurence of lesbian and gay themes in Chinese media and Japanese media(this may surprise some westerners and also asians to know that homosexuality is not THAT taboo in the chinese and japanese media) there have been slight and noticeable progress in terms of portrayals of gays and lesbians in the Korean media in recent years which i have picked up on and which have surprised me. Not only have the portrayals given positive images of gays and lesbian, they have showed KOREANS as gay and lesbians dismissing the myth that only 'degenerate decadent westerners' can be gays and lesbians. I will review recent films which have included some gay content and note these are all mainstream and popular films indicating Korean society may be slowly opening up to accepting at least some gay and lesbian presence in the media given the film production companies readiness in allowing the gay content.
(1) Oh! Brothers (2003) Lee Jung Jae In this box office hit, there was one scene where they showed two korean guys walking into a love motel and asking for a room with a bed. The receptionist thought they just wanted a rest and could not find another hotel but when they requested a room with a bed, the receptionist was shocked and also it showed one guy touching the other guy's bum and other guy all shy then Lee Jung Jae finds his brother who is mentally challenged and the adult brother cries and hugs LJJ leading to misunderstanding by the gay couple and receptionist that they were gay too...another scene also indicated homosexuality where LJJ remembers he and his brother have similar belly button and whilst his brother is in a coma jumps on his bro and tries to compare their belly buttons when the doctor walks in and again misunderstands.....
(2) S diary (2004) Kim Sun Ah. One of my favourite Korean films of 2004 which i shall review in depth in another post but in this film they also explicitly included a gay couple as her best friends and showed them in a loving caring relationship in stark contrast to the straight men who treated her badly and her admiring their loving relationship....they also helped her in her revenge plot and the gay couple were good looking too with overall positive images of gays again..
(3) My Boyfriend is Type B Lee Dong Gun The famous scene where LDG takes revenge on behalf of his gf by pretending to be the gay lover of the teacher and storming in and slapping the teacher in the middle of class and whilst sobbing says 'True love never dies you player!' and then to show that gays too exist in Korea as the audience knows nothing is going on between the teacher and LDG as it was a prank, another male student immediately gets up and says 'you promiscuous player' and bolts indicating the teacher did in fact have a gay relationship.
(4) The Horror Highschool Girls series with Momento Mori being the most famous where lesbianism is heavily hinted at between the two girl's relationships.
All for now but there will be more Korean Films + TV dramas with gay content reviews to come.....
I also found the Japanese to be really kind and helpful due to a few experiences i had in Japan. For example, they would always say sorry すみません ごめんなさい whenever they passed by from behind on their bikes or when i made way for them which really impressed me as there wasn't a need in my opinion to say sorry....Further on many occasions when i was lost and asked for directions in English, they would always help me despite language barriers and my poor Japanese. Even when some were hesitant at first when i approached them as they may have thought i was some bad guy or something, they eventually lightened up when they knew i was lost. There was even this guy who first attempted to evade me and moved away but felt guilty or something and came back asking what i needed and this other time at Keio when this really cold guy gave a scowl and said he was busy when he heard me speak english and then later another japanese guy helped me find the place i wanted to go and the scowl guy who had rejected me earlier must have seen the kindness of the other guy when i bumped into him later the same day, apologised to me and admitted he was being too cool and unfriendly and asked if i needed help!! This all greatly improved my image of Japan though i would say not all my friends and classmates thought the same way...many complained about the Japanese fakeness and unfriendliness which i cannot relate to given my nice experiences with the Japanese.
All in all ,my image of Japan and the Japanese has improved though the rubbish Japanese media with its biased reporting regarding Japanese WW2 issues did affect my nice image of Japan.
I am definitely planning to return to Tokyo to stay for longer like 1,2 yrs after my brief exchange experience although that would have to be after i graduate from melbourne university. I'll miss so many things of tokyo till then like the izakayas 居酒屋 and its unique food, the japanese desserts like rice balls in red bean soup 白玉洗剤, iced mango drink at Excelsior Cafe, ramen, the convenience of tokyo and the bright lights of shinjuku, shibuya, etc....Till I return , さようなら......日本
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
A picture of the controversial Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo. I visited it once and it really is a horrible place.....the sad thing is that many people were praying there as if it were some sacred place when it houses 14 class A war criminals and is a monument to the unknown rapist, murderers and torturers that were some of the Japanese soldiers during WW2. The museum attached to Yasukuni Shrine is a right-wing bastion with books denying Japanese war time crimes and the museum glorifies Japan's war of invasion during WW2. Examples are how the museum frames phrases glorifying sacrifice for the emperor and emphasises modernisation of Manchuria under the Japanese. Japanese warcrimes are completely absent in the museum and there is even a section on how Japanese 'liberated' South East Asia and Japan's invasion 'helped' SEA gain independence. Similarly, the colonisation of Korea is justified through showing documents of Korea's gov agreeing to the colonisation conveniently leaving out how the Korean govt was forced into the agreements due to the Korean peninsula's relative backwardness compared to Japan then. Further, a list war dead with photographs fill an entire section of the museum which is insensitive to Asian victim countries' feelings as these were the very soldiers that committed horrendous atrocities/crimes during WW2 towards the occupied Asian countries. Anyways, the whole museum was recently renovated and looked very grand indicating how much support and donations it gets from Japan's big companies.......in my opinion, the musuem should be closed down and the Japanese PM Koizumi and everyone else should stop visiting Yasukuni out of respect for other Asian countries as well as to show sincere remorse for past wrongs.
July 7 is the anniversary of the start of the Sino-Japanese War and this was commemorated thru a host of activities and symposiums. I attended some of them and the pictures of these activities can be viewed by clicking on the pic to the left.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
In the posts below i have mentioned in detail Blue Gate Crossing (2002), Crystal Boys (2003), Hainan Chicken Rice (2004), Formula 17 (2004) and Love's Lone Flower(2005).
I will post a full list of all or most of the Chinese(incl Taiwan,HK, Singapore) films, TV dramas dealing either directly or indirectly with gay/lesbian themes when i am more free...
Blue Gate Crossing (2002) One of my favourite films
This is one of my favourite films of all time.....it simply has a fantastic script and engaging story and yet is so simple in essence. I really liked it alot and i won't give away the crucial element of the story but it really is a fantastic film with a fantastic cast as both the actor and actresses really fit the role as they are both really down to earth looking and not glamorous or good looking people but they just have this feel to them which makes the audience emphatise with what they are going through.....the soundtrack is one of the best i have heard so far and even now, a few yrs since watching it, i still sometimes hum the melody to myself.....A MUST WATCH and recommended for anyone...i actually saw it at the Melbourne International Film Festival...
Link to Blue Gate Crossing Trailer: http://mediaserver.kingnet.com.tw/movie/bluegate_hi.wmv
English: Storyline: Ah Meng is a 17 yr old highschool girl who often sighs that she is no longer a care-free and problemless person as she hides a secret in her heart....She has a best friend whom she hangs around everyday and her bestfriend tells her one day she is in love with this guy from another class. She asks Ah Meng to help her get the guy and writes a love letter to the guy Xiao Shi in Ah Meng's name. Thus starts the misunderstanding whereby Xiao Shi mistakes the girl who loves him as Ah Meng and thinks Ah Meng is creating an imaginary friend as an excuse as she is too embarassed to admit her love. Xiao Shi falls for Ah Meng and tries his hardest to win her love but Ah Meng cannot love him as she has a secret......eventually Ah meng tells Xiao Shi her long buried secret and the two 17 year olds grow up overnight through sharing the secret realising that life has many challenges and the world is not just the world inside school...they make a promise to meet each other sometime in the future, maybe after graduation, maybe 3 yrs later,....underneath a blue gate.......
Formula 17 (2004)...Taiwan's First Gay Romantic Comedy (not first gay film though, first film was made in the 1980s)
Formula 17 (2004)...Taiwan's First Gay Romantic Comedy
I liked this film as it is one of the few films dealing with a gay theme that is a romantic comedy and does not end in tragedy as so many of the other Chinese gay themed films do.....in fact it is so upbeat and positive about being gay and almost all the characters in the film is gay that the Singaporean censorship board refused to approve it for screening in Singapore though it had no problems screening in more open societies such as HK.
Formula 17 official website: www.17-movie.com which is in Chinese and has a trailer with english subtitles.....for non-chinese speakers...just have to navigate your way to find it, basically its the page with three links to click and one will allow you to save and you download it and then play using mediaplayer.....
English: This Romantic Comedy revolves around the story of virgin 17 yr old Xiao Tian who happens to be gay and happy and from southern Taiwan. He is always wishing he can get a boyfriend as he has never fallen in love or for that matter had sex yet...he meets this guy off the net and they arrange to meet in Taipei. Xiao Tian travels to meet the guy who happens to be this guy who only wants sex and not love...however, for sweet innocent Xiao Tian, he as he puts it in the movie.....'only wants to do the thing he likes (ummmm, maybe sex?!) with the person he likes..'He then meets his highschool friend who is also gay and thoroughly in the Taipei gay scene and his friend's gay friends...enters the boy heart-breaker Bai Tie Nan who is renowned for one night stands and breaking men's hearts and Xiao Tian falls for him and the feeling is mutual but Bai hides a secret......
Chinese: 影片由晶瑩透徹的水底開始。美少年小天（楊祐寧 飾）一躍入鏡，自在悠游。然後，另一健壯男子躍入，背向鏡頭，泳姿熟練曼妙。小天尾隨，尋找另一半身影，但男子的臉卻始終失焦看不清楚。男子游出鏡，小天環顧，遍尋不著，驀地從身後攬過一雙健美的手。兩人溫柔接觸，極盡夢幻與浪漫的感覺。小天欲轉身看清男子樣貌，男子陶醉於小天的頸項間… 兩人就這樣纏綿於水波蕩漾之間… 正當小天再次試圖一窺男子的臉時，鬧鐘響起… 小天驚醒！ 原來又是一場春夢。
為了尋找那位「夢中情人」，周小天，一個純淨優質的處男，決定從南部千里迢迢來到台北展開一場瘋狂的性冒險。當晚，在一家知名的同志酒吧裡，小天與久未見面的國中好友- 小宇 (金勤 飾) 重逢，並看到了同志圈最有價值的單身漢- 白鐵男（Duncan 飾）。小天對鐵男大為心儀，而鐵男也對憨直的處男小天留下深刻印象。 但是小宇再三告誡小天：白鐵男是有名的花心大蘿菠，要小天千萬不要招惹他。
在朋友的介紹下，小天開始在台北一家健身房打工，同時體驗都會同志生活。除了接受外型上的改造，小天也開始盲目約會，更差點被一個猛男水電工色誘… 直到有一天，小天在健身房又巧遇了鐵男，兩人在淋浴間水氣瀰漫的情況下有了更進一步的接觸。小天雖喜歡鐵男，但鐵男身旁總是跟著一個男人- 俊（張大鏞 飾），讓小天懷疑有關鐵男花心不負責的流言，是否真實。
First film financed by the Singapore Government dealing directly with gay theme which is a progressive step and also an indication of Singapore's govt change of policy in being more tolerant towards gay and lesbian citizens. I like the film because of Sylvia Chang who is one of my favourite actresses and also cute handsome actors and a unique setting being Singapore instead of the usual HK setting and i am half-Malaysian and given the similar culture b/w Sin and Mal, i found it easier to connect with this film also...HOWEVER, the storyline wasn;t great and the ending was poor in my opinion....wouldn't really recommend though wouldn't discourage anyone from watching too...again mainstream film even shown in theatres in strictly censored Singapore which obviously means no explicit scenes. In fact there are not even kissing scenes , let alone sex scenes in the entire film....
Hainan Chicken Rice English Website: http://rice.jce.com.hk/en_main.html
Hainan (HI-Nahn) Chicken Rice: one of the staples of Singaporean cuisine, a Chinese risotto sizzled in a pan and simmered in chicken stock, glistening with chicken essence and fragrant with ginger, every grain plump and separate yet chewy and bursting with juice. .
After being abandoned by her husband twelve years earlier, Jen (Sylvia Chang; "Eat Drink Man Woman", "The Red Violin." Best Actress of Hong Kong Film Awards 2002 - "Forever and Ever"), raised her three sons alone. She uses her mother's secret Hainan Chicken Rice recipe and opened a restaurant to support the family.
Her two older sons, Daniel and Harry are gay, as a woman with traditional values, Jen is fretful that she would have no grandchildren, if Leo, too, turns out to be gay.
Together she and best friend, Kim Chui (Martin Yan; famous Chinese cuisine TV Chef "Yan Can Cook") device a plan to keep Leo straight by bringing in a French exchange student to live with them. She is Leo's age and her name is Sabine. Leo develops a strange but intriguing relationship with her, which greatly pleases Jen.
However, things begin to crumble for her again when Kim Chui becomes "the toast of the town" with his invention of a new dish deeply challenging her Chicken Rice. Kim Chui becomes a national celebrity overnight, and Jen's self-esteem is threatened.
Finally, their conflicts come to a head when Jen participates in a cooking contest with Kim Chui and other chefs from Singapore. Food unexpectedly becomes a medium that not only nourishes their bodies but also opens their hearts…
Crystal Boys...(2003) 孽子 電視劇
This drama was aired in Taiwan in Feb 2003 and was widely acclaimed as a well directed piece of work. It ended up winning almost all the awards at the 2003 Golden Horse Awards (金馬獎) in Taiwan which is the most prestigious TV Award in Taiwan and also garnered a huge following by straight and gay viewers alike with several reruns...I really liked it as the story had good looking actors, a superb script, effectively showed what Taiwan was like in the 1970s and how society was like then including the status of women(how the male main character Ah Qin's mother had to lead a life of misery and abuse at the hands of men and also Sister Yue Li's suffering) and also the repressed atmosphere under which gay men had to lead during those times unlike the comparatively more open and diverse lifestyle Chinese/Asian gay men lead today.....I also absolutely fell in love with the soundtrack especially the ending title which is really heart tendering and emotive...i would recommend this drama definitely even to those who are not particularly keen on gay themed tv dramas or films since this is an excellent drama with a fantastic director, cast, soundtrack and script...there are also very little gay sex scenes (only one very tame scene in whole drama i remember) or even kissing scenes which means it is suitable for even teens i would think....the problem is definitely how to obtain it as it is available ONLY in Mandarin with Chinese sub and there is no english version/subtitles to my knowledge, even in manyAsian countries it is not sold due to the sensitive topic of homosexuality it deals with...so basically only obtainable in Taiwan, pirated copies in China, off the internet through BT or Edonkey sites or in countries like Malaysia or Singapore where even though it is not sold may still be obtainable through some CD,VCD shops which may order individually for customers if they so happen to have the connections.....
I am lucky that i went back to Taipei last year and as i have connections with PTS which produced the drama, was able to obtain the whole VCD boxset of "Crystal Boys" for free...really clear too...as of December 2004, the DVD and VCD boxset was still selling at many shops around Taipei and was also available for rent at a rental shop in Taipei...
English: Basically the story of a gay teenager called Ah Qin and how he was discovered half-naked with his bestfriend in the school lab by the cleaner one night and got expelled from school as well as kicked out of home by his conservative military father after his father found out about it. It then follows his life at the New Park in Taipei where gay men congregate and form their little kingdom there when night falls. Ah Qin has 3 gay friends and a leader 'father' and the TV drama revolves around their lives incl family problems and love life....based on renowned Chinese novelist Bai Xian Yong's Novel Crystal Boys with the storyline roughly the same as the novel with some minor, though significant, changes.
Note: Bai's novel also entitled Crystal Boys incorporatd many real life places into the story including New Park which really exists in Taipei and was really well-known for gay men cruising from the 1960s to early 1990s. (I even remember vaguely once my parents mentioning the park as a gay area when we passed by once years back...) It is now not a popular gay spot anymore with Taiwan's new democratic liberal atmosphere with the flourishing of gay bars and discos as well as the internet...it has been renamed 228 Memorial Park and houses a memorial to the 228 Massacre.
Love's Lone Flower 孤戀花 電視劇 (2005) Please click photo for more pictures...
This TV Drama is produced by the Director of "Crystal Boys" which was a critically acclaimed tv serial in 2003 based on the renowned Chinese novelist Bai Xian Yong's only novel. This drama is also based on a short story by Bai entitled Love's Lone Flower.
The story, like Crystal Boys, deals with homosexuality but this time on the theme of lesbianism.
I am looking forward to seeing it as i haven't got a chance to yet though it has already finished broadcasting in Taiwan and is currently on a rerun on Public Television Service Channel in Taiwan and pirated copies are probably already widely sold in China by now....I want to watch this TV drama as I really like the director 導演 曹瑞原 as i loved Crystal Boys which he also directed and also it showcases 1940s to 1960s Cheongsams (Chinese dress) which is a passion of mine! (please read my very first post(April) on the Chinese dress!!!)
English: The story spans the 1940s-1960s period from Shanghai to Taiwan.....it revolves around Taiwanese musician Lin and his love story with a dance hostess Wu Bao as well as the indirect, suppressed love between Wu Bao and another dance hostess female protagonist Yun Fang. This all occurs in decadent, swinging Shanghai during the civil war period in China from 1945-1949. Then with the loss of the Nationalist Party, Yun Fang and Lin escape with the Nationalist Party to Taiwan in 1949 whilst during the wartime chaos, Wu Bao which both Lin and Yun Fang love befalls to tragedy. The story continues with the twos life in Taiwan and the entrance of another dance hostess, this time Taiwanese, into their lives........
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Please click pic for more photos.
It seems that Chinese food is really popular in Japan, besides Chinese restaurants being found everywhere, and i mean literally everywhere, from your neighbourhood Chuka Ryori Ten to the upper class restaurants at sought after locations such as Ginza, Aoyama, and Odaiba.....Not only is Chinese food popular in Japan and located EVERYWHERE, Chinese desserts are very popular too...there is now a book on Chinese desserts shops and also as evidence of the popularity of Chinese food, Annin Tofu (a type of Chinese dessert) is popular in some Izakayas and McDonald's now sells Annin Drink also for a special period....I also saw a fast food chain selling Chinese GuaPao which shows how popular Chinese food is with the Japanese.....which is good since Japanese food is popular in Chinese-speaking areas such as Taiwan, HK and Singapore also.
I went to Koreatown in Kawasaki today and it was really, really quiet and deserted, a far cry from bustling Yokohama Chinatown....had lunch at Yakiniku place owned by a Zainichi Korean (Japanese-Korean).....Kawasaki has Japan's largest concentration of Japanese of Korean ethnicity after Osaka, which has the biggest Korean population in Japan..
Saturday, June 18, 2005
A hit this year in Korea about a Chinese-Korean girl from YanBian (Yongbon) in China travelling to Seoul for a dance competition to replace her sister and finding love along the way....for those who don't know, there is a large Korean minority in Northeastern China numbering about 1 million and the Chinese-Korean minority in China is in fact the second largest overseas Korean population after America. It could even be the largest if the illegal North Korean refugee population in China is included...
Another memorable scene in the film:
Japanese soldiers are chasing after the two sisters....they run to their childhood hiding place, an underground small basement below the wooden planks of the bedroom.
'Come down, quick'
'We have grown up, there is only room for one person now..'
As Mong Dai tries to drag her sister down, her sister knowing that the japanese will not be satisfied not finding both girls removes her hand and shuts the basement door shut.....
Memorable scene in the film:
'Why did you want to sacrifice yourself' 'don't u know how to resist???' 'why?' 'why?' 'why?'
'I am hurtin...'
‘我聽人家說你 。 。 。 。’‘你為什么要犧牲自己﹖ 你不會反抗的嗎 ﹖ 為 什 么 ﹖ 為 什 么 ﹖ 為 什 么 ﹖ ’
‘我其實很痛的。 。 。 。 。 ’