I've said this before and i will say it again...i think women should continue to work and have a career not only after marriage but also after having children. Cos even now, there are still young Asian women whose life-long ambition is to find a good (read: this means rich) husband and then become a stay-at-home mum. I've heard about these kind of young university/college women in China and Japan, whom despite their high levels of education, have aspirations and a goal in life to 'get the rich guy' and be able to just live off their husbands... I simply think thats not a very proud goal to have and reminds me of the feudal ideals Chinese society used to have.
I always advocate that women must continue to work and have their own career even after marriage as well as after motherhood. This doesn't mean that a woman must have a high-flying career which requires her to put in so many hours at work that she would barely have the time for family life. But it does mean that married women should at least be engaged in some kind of payed work outside the home. This is vital to giving women some form of financial independence from their husbands which is ESSENTIAL in any marriage cos when arguements flare up and the going gets rough, a woman without financial independence knows she doesn't have the upper hand when it is the man whom is providing the roof over herv head, the food on the table, the branded clothes and shoes she has in the wardrobe, the car she drives, and....you get the picture. Further, without financial independence, a woman really doesn't have the option of divorce if and when it becomes necessary.
This is what i hear about women from my grandparent's generation. I've always wondered and also asked around why divorces were so rare for people in my grandmother's generation...could it be that marriages were perfect or close to perfect in those days?? The answer i often get bck is of cos not, and given my own research and general common sense, everyone knows women suffered enormous discrimination a mere 40,50 years back, so what is the major reason for the low divorce rates?? Aside from the fact that there was societal pressures and norms to not divorce whatever the cause, a major factor which prohibited women from divorcing was the 'money factor'. Basically, full-time housewives simply did not have the finances or capability to afford a divorce. This meant that however much domestic violence a wife suffered or however uncaring a husband was towards his wife's needs, she simply could not divorce because she didn't have the finances to support herself after the divorce. Please note, I am not encouraging women to divorce but only advising women to keep their options open as without a full-time or part-time career, married women simply do not have the option of divorcing their husbands which the men obviously do as they have the finances to maintain their lifestyles after divorce (in fact, i think men come out financially better after the divorce given that they now have one less person to support given that its usually the men whom provides financially for the most part during the marriage).
Of cos, our court system plays an important part in protecting and guarding the vital rights of women. I'm sure most people know of alimony which is payed by the breadwinner (most often men) to the homemaker (most often women). This is one way of guaranteeing the ability of divorced women to be able to survive after a divorce. Thus, the legal system must be supportive of women (or the homemaker whichever gender) taking account of the non-monetary contributions they made during the marriage when deciding on how much alimony is paid. I learnt alot in my Family Law class about how it is done in Australia, and i must say, Australia definitely has a progressive and commendable system whereby housewives are awarded up to half of all savings and property/assets bought with the husband's money PLUS half of superannuation (pension) of the husband which is the real bonus as pension is on-going payments. The judge in Australia takes into consideration of the non-financial contributions of the wife such that women whom have toiled 10,20 or more years in the house, taking care of the children, cleaning and tidying the house, whilst preparing food on the table so that the men can go out and focus on their careers, are not left with nothing when the marriage dissolves.
In Asia, laws relating to divorce have also progressed with Japan being an example. There has been a phenomenon in recent years in Japan called 'Jyukunen Rikon' (Elderly Age Divorce) whereby thousands of women in their 50s, 60s and above have divorced their husbands after being housewives for decades. This is as a result of the old societal system in which Japanese husbands left for work early in the morning and came home late at night with the wives basically bringing up the children like single mothers with very little support or affection from their husbands. When their husbands reach retirement age, they suddenly find it very difficult to live with an unexpressive man whom now knows not what to do with his life, lazying around in the house everyday. Anyways, bck to the point, the Japanese parliament has passed a pension law which is to come into effect sometime this yr or next which is predicted to shore up divorce rates even further than it is now and fuel the jyukunen rikon phenomena as it automatically entitles divorced wives half of the pension/super of husbands when they retire. Previously, wives get a lump sum and maybe division of property but not the super/pension so it is said that many women are now waiting for the law to come into effect to file for a divorce.
However, even if the law and legal system upholds women's rights....there are still BIG incentives for women to continue working. This is as i've heard that most men don't pay or discontinue payments after awhile even when the court has ordered them to pay alimony to their wives. This means that for a divorced housewife whom has obtained a court order for her husband to pay alimony, if her husband were to stop payments, it would mean she would have to go bck to the courts with a long drawn out process of enforcing the order. If she had been working all along, the alimony payments wouldn't be so important as she could easily support herself which goes to show the importance of maintaining a career. Further, divorced housewives cannot expect to just live off their ex-husbands forever and so they inevitably have to find work. The problem is.... after 10 or 20 yrs out of the paid workforce, who is going to employ a middle aged housewife whom has not worked outside the home for more than however many decades regardless of her academic qualifications or centuries-old former work experience?? A career woman would not have this to worry about and men, most of whom continue to work and climb up the corporate ladder during their marriages, certainly do not have to worry about this.
Finally, if some woman reading this still decides to become a full-time mother and housewife after marriage and having children, then thats fine (though not the smartest choice given all i've pointed out above) WITH the following essential tips on protecting themselves:
Do make sure that half of all property and assets are firmly in your name. If your husband refuses, make it be known that your relationship will go sour and refuse intimacy as well as make it known that divorce is on your mind. Of cos, first negotiate and if only your husband drags his feet and is obviously not going to transfer anything under your name like 6mths or 1 yr after u've brought up the topic do you then threaten considering divorce. Cos it really is important to make sure u have some assets under ur name in the event of anything happening. You may think everything is lovey-dovey now, but when a marriage goes sour and divorce occurs, you really don't want to end up with no career AND no assets under ur name AND having to go thru the chaotic court process.
Thus, i end this section with my often quoted 'Golden Advice' regarding marriage and careers for women:
As a housewife and full-time mother, you are taking care of your husband's family (the kids and the home) and his career (by freeing him to focus fully on his career). You husband of cos cares only for his career. Thus, the golden question being, who is caring for your career?
All may seem idyllic and perfect when the marriage is smooth-sailing but once it hits an irreparable storm, and results in divorce, the husband still has his career, but what does the housewive have? She has nothing. Given that her life revolved around the family, she no longer has a family, and of course, she doesn't have a career either. She comes out with nothing.
Of cos advising women to work is not enough, men will also have to do more. Ideally, i think both the husband and wife should work and both must be involved in taking care of the children as well as domestic chores. This will mean men have to inevitably sacrifice some of their career (just as women have been doing all along) and not put in the extra hours or forsake going on that business trip overseas to help out at home. This is ESSENTIAL as i find that many women of my mother's generation actually are full-time career women AND homemakers having to work AND then come home to cook the dinner and clean up the house on the weekends which makes their lives often even more tiring than full-time housewives as they now have to do double of everything. Men of my father's generation allowed their wives to work but men, being the 'slower species' have been very slow in changing with the times and helping out more in the house. Its almost as if they have the attitude of 'We're fine with women changing so long as we are not asked to change significantly along also'. This is NOT acceptable.
Its time men also forsake some of their career for the home. A woman shouldn't have to work double as hard as a man to maintain financial independence as well as maintain a family. Women shouldn't have to choose between having a career or a family or working like a slave within and outside the home to keep both. To achieve that, men will have to start changing. And i mean changing REAL FAST.
I end this section with a quote from a book i read called 'Kickboxing Geishas': 'It is not that men aren't changing. Cos they are. They just aren't changing fast enough.'
Sex Videos, Hot Pictures, Pervert Men, Rape, Sexual Harassment, ("the usual stuff") and Everything else Men do to Women (and...other Men):
I read the Taiwanese newspaper every day and i always read the society section and besides reading the interesting articles, i make sure i scan through for any articles on women-related news and boy are they interesting and thought-provoking! Some of the articles just goes to prove how defective some men are, which is my theory...most people may read and hear about these things just thinking..oh another sick perverted person in the world...however i ALWAYS see it from a gender perspective and make the connection...it really isn't just another sick perverted person out there is it?? What people don't seem to realise or worse still, don't WANT to acknowledge is that its another sick perverted MAN doing something perverted to a WOMAN and sometimes another boy or guy.
I mean reading all these horror stories 9 out of 10 committed by men (it really isn't a secret that over 90% of all criminals and jails are filled with MEN and over half of all victims of crime are WOMEN) simply goes to show the deficient nature of the male gender (not all of cos!!!!! just some). A cursory summary of some of the articles gives an inkling of what perils women and men have to endure through the sick nature of some MEN.
Now, men aren't exactly well known for being expressive creatures (though that prob isn't true anymore for the under 30s Asian men nowadays)...its usually guys whom show less affection in a relationship generally speaking with girls more likely to be more expressive...that doesn't mean the guy doesn't love the girl as much necessarily but sometimes it has to do with Asian male ego, to show too much affection and being too caring towards the girl for some men can be unmanly...however when the time for breakup comes, ohmygod do some guys do some crazy stuff...i read about one article whereby this guy refused to break up with his gf and then he beat her up and kept her in the house for days until the girl was rescued by police after she managed to call her brother for help.
And then there was the guy whom kidnapped his girlfriend whom wanted to breakup with him with a gun at the carpark of a shopping mall and forced her into a car threatening her that he was going to rape her hard at a rural area. When she refused to comply with his request to get back together, he ACTUALLY TRIED TO SHOOT HER, crazy asshole!! The police were informed by onlookers and caught the guy...
And then there was the guy who held up the bank where his girlfriend worked at with a dummy gun requesting for them to patch up and for her to go bck to him as she had dumped him...lame loser...
And another incident where a girl asked for money to pay her debt and the guy refused. She then refused to have sex with him. (ok i admit she shouldn't have made him feel like he had to 'buy' her for sex..she was wrong) however, what the boyfriend did later was simply CRAZY ok!!! I repeat CRAZY!! They've been in a relationship for more than 3 years so i just can't believe the guy would do this to her....well to cut it short, the guy went beserk and smashed the beer glass he had and attacked her face, arms, legs with broken pieces of glass...AND IF THAT WASN"T ENOUGH, he BOTTLE-RAPED HER by inserting both the bottle tube and his fingers into her vagina repeatedly despite her screams....she later went to the hospital and went to the police.
With all these horror stories which are reported in the newspaper (there are many many more similar stories which i didn't write about and god knows however many more unreported ones), if i ever had a daughter, i would MOST definitely be the type of 'strict father' figure being very protective of her...and girls would do well to beware when picking boyfriends...cos if a guy can bottle-rape a girl AFTER 3 yrs together as a couple, anything can happen...
The above dealt with real life cases of break up situations...so now lets proceed to incest cases..
There have been numerous cases of incest almost all involving fathers or grandfathers....
There was the case in Malaysia about this father who raped his daughter after 'losing control of himself' when he saw her coming out of the shower clad in a towel...and then the grandfather who raped his granddaughter repeatedly until she got pregnant which is how the case came to light...and then of cos, daughters and granddaughters aren't the only victims...there was a recent case of a drunkard father who asked his 6 year old son to 'kiss his penis' for him (basically su*k his pen*s)...eeeewwwww..WHAT KIND OF SICK PEOPLE ARE THESE PEOPLE!?##^&**
Men are such MONSTERS!!! Only monsters can do this to their OWN children!! And people ask me why i am such a feminist? Err..maybe the above is why?
Ok, the incest bit sickens me, lets move on to sex videos and men now....
I've noticed an increase in the news recently on sex videos which couples make with quite a few prominent cases...there was one about this sex video (which i've seen) by a Singaporean girl and her boyfriend which got leaked onto the web and became a stir..then another one about these sex pics taken by a girl and her boyfriend which again got leaked onto the internet...both girls were identified and have suffered enormous stress....obviously, their boyfriends had put it up or a friend of his had put it up...so the moral of the story is girls...DON'T EVER TRUST YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND TO TAKE SEX PICTURES OR VIDEOS OF YOU TWO, MEN CAN'T BE TRUSTED...geez, how can girls not know that?! the two girls in the above cases probably never dreamt in their worst nightmare that they would become online sex celebrities or that their boyfriends had either purposely or negligently allowed the photos/sex videos to go online...
Then of course, there is rape and sexual harrassment...women being raped always SICKENS ME but when you rape someone in an even more vulnerable position, its just unbelievably horrifying....i am referring to an article in the Taiwanese newspaper about this handicapped woman whom lived alone and was raped three times by two men (MONSTER&amp;amp;amp;& PIGS##) until she died of suffocation on the third time as they tried to cover her face to prevent her identifying them....then there are the cases involving horny stepfathers who prey on their new partner's young daughter....one case involved the stepfather raping the stepdaughter when his wife wasn't around the house...another case involved this blind girl whom was raped by her uncle and when she moved to live with her mother, she was again raped by her mother's live in boyfriend...sick...totally sick...how can you rape a blind girl!!!!! MEN ARE BASTARDS...aarrgghhh.....i mean its bad enough raping a girl, not least your partner's daughter, but a blind defenseless girl is TOTALLY FCUKED UP i tell you....
And of cos, boys and men are raped as well...i read about the famous case of the Russian Army 'Gay Prostitution' scandal where it was exposed how the younger recruits were raped brutally by the older soldiers and then also forced to have gay sex with clients outside the camps with the older soldiers taking the earnings.....scary man...
And of cos, i've had my own share of weird men encounters...i remember the first time which i can remember very clearly was in 1997 when i watched this movie in a cinema alone at night...my mother was coming to pick me up after the movie and i still remember vividly which movie it was, it was called 'Eighteen Springs' and this is why i can remember the year cos that movie came out in 1997....well i went into the cinema and watched the film BUT TO MY HORROR i think about 1/3 thru the movie, i noticed that the guy sitting right across me on the other side of the aisle which divided the cineplex into two was staring at me...at first i ignored it thinking i was being paranoid, but everytime i turned my head to the right, he was looking at me....and i was like thinking, 'hey mister are u here to watch the movie or are you here to watch me?!' In the end, the entire movie-viewing experience was thoroughly spoilt as i was so scared that i even remember thinking to myself...' you bastard, now you make me worry more about whether you are still looking at me than concentrating on the film!!'....after the movie, i was ready to make a run for the exit and when the lights came on, he smiled at me and i didn't even look at him for another second and bolted out running all the way till i got to the bus stop to wait for my parents...
Another time was in Melbourne where this guy followed me until i got into a shop to hide from him...and then in Sydney once in Chinatown very late at night cos i wanted to get something from 7-11 and this Caucasian middle aged guy suddenly came beside me and said 'Hi' and smiled at me...it was very deserted then and i gave him a quick glance and walked straight ahead...when i turned a corner and looked bck he was still looking at me....i was so freaked out...like seriously, me being cruised on the street?? gosh. and i am not even attractive...imagine what the attractive goodlooking people have to go thru? Then of cos was the time when i first got to Sydney and i was with my parents, brother and their friend...we were just at the Casino having supper at a restaurant there...when this Chinese guy was soooooo cruising me...he was the waiter there and alright looking, i noticed he kept looking at me at first but of cos i ignored it at first cos i am not a paranoid person who thinks every other guy is stalking me...but it soon became apparent he was cruising me when he just kept on looking...like everytime i glanced over, he was invariably looking at me. Now, i'm positive i didn't look weird or anything for him to look at me....and at first i admit i was pretty flattered....i was like, wow this pretty goodlooking guy is cruising me...BUT then of course that feeling soon turned into fear...and let me tell you anyone whom has been sexually harassed or molested can tell u this fear...its a deep fear which runs thru your entire body...cos he kept looking and even when i looked straight into his eye as i was starting to feel uncomfortable, he didn't even look away but just kept looking at me....that seriously freaked me out...i couldn't wait to leave the restaurant...how do u expect me to eat with a stalker guy like there looking at me all the time...he even went to the table beside us to come closer to me as i very well knew he had nothing to do there and he continued looking and glancing at me...i ignored him and hardly looked at him as i started to feel scared...at last we left, and he was still looking at me even when i had left almost like i was a long lost relative....and u know what was the most embarassing thing??? My mother realised that the waiter was making excuses to come to the table next to us and that he had kept looking at us the whole time..!!! (She wasn't aware he really had his eyes on me the whole time....SO embarassing ><")
So yeah, just thought i'd share my own experiences....i've heard from friends of similar experiences of sexual molestation or weirdos before and it seems to be pretty common, especially for girls.....feel free to share if you have any similar experiences either by a girl or a guy, i'd LOVE to know!!:) (the kepoh in me,hehe...)
The Double P's: Prostitution and Pornography:
My basic opinion on prostitution and pornography is that they should both be legal and it is futile and senseless to try to ban them. Many Asian countries such as Malaysia, China, and India ban both whilst other countries such as Japan, Taiwan, and South Korea ban prostitution but not pornography. I think that it should be legal although ideally i would say that it would be best if men didn't visit prostitutes or watch porn. Both P's constitute an important part of women's issues as prostitution and pornography primarily concern women as prostitutes and porn actors and men as the consumers....although of cos the rise in gay visibility and status has also meant a rise in male prostitutes and gay porn...but i think it can safely be said that both form only a very small percentage of the overall female presence in the above industries.
I think instead of banning, we should be regulating the porn and prostitution industry and setting industry standards and guidelines just like any other industry. This is to safeguard the rights of the prostitutes and porn actors to make sure that they enjoy work safety and freedom of choice just like any other worker in any other industry. Banning the Double Ps have never prevented them from occuring, with prostitution being the world's oldest profession. Women will still be abused and used by men (the pimps, the porn directors, makers) even if prostitution and porn is illegal...so why not protect them by laws and regulations with strict enforcement and any breaches warranting heavy penalties??
I think Hong Kong is a fine example as a role model for other countries to follow in the area of prostitution. In Hong Kong, prostitution is not illegal. However, pimping is and managing a brothel is illegal. So you may ask, whats the difference?? Well, the difference is huge and i think of significant importantance. Basically, women who individually prostitute themselves of their own free will are not illegal .Therefore, a prostitute will not be arrested. However, the men, the pimps whom run the brothels and manage the businesses will be arrested by police as the action of 'encouraging or introducing a woman to have sex with a third party' is illegal in HK. So is 'managing and operating' a brothel. Thus, in raids, HK police will only prosecute the pimps and brothel operators and free the prostitutes. This is a fantastic law in my opinion in that it makes it illegal for MEN whom pimp women and take their earnings without having to do a single thing from reaping profits from the prostitutes, the WOMEN, who have to do the dirty work, sleeping with all the men and not even being able to get everything they earned. Further, this resolves the problem of sex slavery as many prostitutes around the world are actually sex slaves, forced into prostitution by men whom they've been sold to by their parents or simply just forced to become prostitutes by human traffickers, MEN again. (There was a recent case in S.Korea which made the news whereby police rescued a middle school girl, prob 14-16, from sex slavery as she was forced to have sex with as many as 800 men during the course of her imprisonment by a group of pimps. Clients apparently included academics and surgeons. gosh, it makes me wonder, how can the clients, ur average male on the street, have sex with someone they know is underage just by appearance and even more disgusting is the fact that they should have known she was there against her will, so how can they continue to have sex with her??!! If they didn't know, then its simply a case of wilful blindness...oops, sorry legal term, it means when someone turns an eye from the truth and prevents themselves from knowing the truth of something) By making prostitution legal, prostitutes whom are actually sex slaves and rescued by police do not face charges of being a prostitute which may arise in countries where prostitution is illegal. (In the S.Korean case, the police obviously didn't charge the girl for prostitution)This is due to the fact that from a strictly legal sense, the act of prostitution is in itself illegal, which the girls have in fact engaged in, although completely and utterly against their free will.
However, more work has to be done in stopping human trafficking which is estimated to traffick 800,000 people annually across international borders, many of them women, and many into sexual slavery prostitution. And this figure doesn't even include trafficking within national borders in countries such as India where young girls from poorer states are tricked into the red light districts of Bombay or China where girls are abducted by human traffickers and sold to poor farmers in rural regions as young brides....the fight continues...
As for porn, i think we need to regulate the number of men allowed to 'act' with the actress of the film as well as the storyline...i've come to realise without actually having seen ANY porn films involving women (i've seen a few gay porn films before which is weird i know, who has watched gay porn but not straight porn??I mean even all gay men have watched straight porn, if only for the male actors..haha....i know about the films mainly thru third parties, talk shows, online pics and synopsis of porn films) that some stories MUST be banned in their degrading portrayal of women and possible effect on societal order. If i were ever to become Prime Minister of a country or in a position to introduce a law, it would be a law to regulate the porn industry...first off, ALL PORN INVOLVING RAPE STORIES WILL BE HENCEFORTH BANNED!!!!! I mean what is it with men and rape?? People always say 'oh that sick criminal pervert stealing women's underwear' or 'that sick rapist' or 'the disgusting soldiers who commit rape in war'....well, i had a long time coming to terms with this but the undeniable fact which i REALLY and i am sure none of us want to admit is that there is somewhere deep in the male biological make-up (most men anyway) which naturally somehow has 'a thing' for rape...there i said it! I know this is controversial but how else can you explain the obsession with rape and bondage of women in Jap porn??!! (is it the same with Western porn?) Somehow, you can't deny it must be somewhere in the male gene which seems to enjoy rape and overpowering women with all the rape fantasy porn available...i mean porn brings out the darkest deepest uninhibited desires of men, and if men (correction: some men) enjoy watching rape porn and wank to it, how different are they from the rapist on the street or in war? All they need is the correct environment and walla, you have a rapist whom can now act out what he watches in porn....so rape stories must be banned...
and also whats this with one woman and plenty of men in porn stories? Its such a 'power thing' i mean aren't men shallow visual animals when it comes to matter of sex?? So why the common scene you see whereby one woman has to have sex with 3,4,10,20,etc men in one porn flick? Why would men (correction: by this i mean Straight Men, which is whom i am dealing with in my analysis, Gay Men and Gay Porn will have to be left to another day, in another post) want to see 3,40,50 di*cks and only one pair of boobs and you- know -where...?? Of cos, my explanation is that it all comes down to one reason: POWER. It has to do with the fact that its MEN having power OVER WOMEN the number of men outnumbering women is already a sign of male power over women and then of cos they penetrate her in every imaginable way and fondle her in every conceivable manner is a symbol of male power over the woman, the passive, the to-be-fcuked, whereas the male is the instigator, the one in power to manipulate. Thus, this kind of power dynamic can no longer be tolerated in the 21st century where men and women are supposed to be equal, or somewhere close to it. This is not to mention the injurious effect of having a woman have sex with an entire football squad ( i mean the guys get a break since they take turns, and once they 'finish' they can leave whereas the same woman has to take the next actor)...its pretty inhumane really and reminds me of the 'comfort women' (Japanese WW2 sex slaves whom were forced to serve battalions of soldiers). So under me, i would limit the number of men to woman ratio to a maximum of 3 actors for every porn actress. There will be no limit on women to men though so guys can't complain cos you can have 10 naked girls with big boobs on one guy, thats fine... the aim is to break the power dynamic against women...(actually even 3 actors to 1 actress ratio is a compromise as its still men overpowering women unfairly!!)
One last note, i noticed quite alot of chauvinistic disgusting comments that some male viewers would write on sites, about porn movies and photos, such as " yeah....bang that bitch hard...ram it up her....." or "fcuk the slut...etc..." I was thinking when i saw these comments, do most guys have these thoughts when they watch porn flicks? What does that mean? That all the talk of the new age sensitive guy and women's empowerment is all an illusion and nothing more? That men really haven't changed that much and are simply restraining themselves in public to appear respectful of women when in the privacy of their rooms whilst watching porn, the sexist thoughts are what they really feel about women?? I don't know, I really don't know.
Anyways, that was a looooooooong pooost....but a very important one in my view...anyone whom has actually read the entire post i would like to say a BIG thank you, i really do appreciate it... If you haven't and just skipped to the last para reading this, please take the time to READ IT!!
Comments always welcome:):):)
First Post on this topic in Jan 2006: